Witnessing the graduation of this year's seniors has made me start to reflect on my high school career. Though I think I realize the progress I have made during the past three years (except for the moments when I imagine I feel the same as my 14-year-old self would have), I find myself wishing for the years back. Now that I know what I can accomplish, and with my goals more defined, I feel like I could have done so much more then. Will that make me try to do more next year? I doubt it. Last time I tried to put more on my plate when I thought I could handle it, I ended up almost failing physics. I think for now I'll just take comfort in my renewed confidence in myself.
Mostly, I think I miss being a freshman because of the innocence that existed then. The world was fresh, the four final years left of my childhood were stretched out clean and unscathed before me. The flaws I would later come to realize existed at my school and in myself did not exist for me then. Perhaps that's why I look back on that year with such mixed disappointment and fondness. I know I could have done so much more then and later; I could have begun making the friendships I have now earlier and stronger, worked on my writing a lot more than I did, gotten all A's in those easy freshman classes instead of not caring and getting B's (and screwing my GPA while I was at it.) But I mostly just miss the clean slate that entering high school brought me.
Don't take on more than you can. It's okay if your plate isn't full. You don't have to do a million things at once to be an accomplished person.
ReplyDeleteThe more you wish for past years back, the more you lose in the present.
Flaws and disappointments aside, you've made wonderful friends. You've done plenty in your past three years. Your writing is lovely. And as for your grades and GPA, they don't mean everything. I know that you know that.
Look alive, Claire. In a year and a couple of months, another clean slate will be waiting for you.
I did nothing in high school, which makes me sad now. On the other hand, I hope I do more in the future and try to be better, but most likely I will give up. Why? Because getting a clean slate is easy, changing mentalities is hard. I should do a blog post about mentalities sometime...
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